We need some Funny

[cre8ivepoet]

This is for all the Floridians on the board... :D

You know you’re a Floridian if……


1.You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five minutes.

2. A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but everything to do with shade.

3.Your winter coat is made of denim.

4.You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.

5. You’re younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65.

6.Anything under 70 degrees is chilly.

7.You’ve driven through Yeehaw Junction.

8.You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.

9.Every other house in your neighborhood had blue roofs in 2004-2005.

10. You’ve gotten out of school early on Halloween to trick or treat before it got dark.

11. You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn’t worth waking up for.

12. You dread “love bug” season.

13. You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren’t Hurricane Charley or Hurricane Frances …you know them as Andrew, Charley , Frances , Ivan, & Jeanne.

14. You know what a snowbird is and when they will leave.

15. You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.

16. “Down South” means Key West .

17. Flip-flops are everyday wear. Shoes are for business meeting and church, but you have worn flip-flops to church before.

18. You have a drawer full of bathing suits and one sweatshirt.

19. You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.

20. A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.

21. You know the four seasons as: summer, love bug season, tourist season, and hurricane season and you’ve hosted a hurricane party.

22. You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee , Withlacoochee and Micanopy.

23. You understand why it’s better to have a friend with a boat than to have a boat yourself.

24. You were 5 before you realized they made houses without pools.

25. You were 25 when you first met someone who couldn’t swim.

26. You’ve worn shorts and used the air conditioning on Christmas and New Years.

27. You recognize Miami-Dade as “ Northern Cuba ”.

28. You decide your lawn furniture looks good at the bottom of your pool.

29. You're on a first name basis with everyone at Home Depot and Lowe's.

30. You fully comprehend the importance of the "stingray shuffle".

31. You not only forward this but you understand it.

[Amor]

You know that's right!!!!

Also, you haven't been to Disney in ages 'cus you live in Orlando. You won't find too many Orlandoans there.

Floridians hate Oak trees, especially when they are on your house.

And one more thing, you don't remember how to get to Cocoa Beach or Daytona Beach - that's for the tourists.

That's my two cents worth. :D :D :D

[mamacitaRuth]

This looks like a good place to put this....Chalk this up to a WILD imagination and a die-hard loopie heart. I went to lunch today -- only have about 20 minutes --- so I went to a shopping park nearby. As I was rounding the corner of the end of the parking lot, the side NOBODY ever parks on, imagine my astonishment to see a BIG, BLACK, TOUR BUS parked in the lot with an equipment trailer in tow. Now, normally, no big deal because this is a popular entertainment district too, so bands are not that unusual. However, this bus had TEXAS PLATES!! I slowed down to see if I could see any distinguishing or familiar markings, but nary a one --- EXCEPT for a very NICE-looking black STRAT propped up in a corner of the bus, near an open door. By now, my heart's beatin' outta control and as I'm squinting to see, I can almost SWEAR I see a CROSS emblem on the guitar. Like I said, by now, my imagination's running WILD....but hey, our BOYS could be on their way to the northwest, right? Maybe?! Maybe taking a detour to go fishing...(okay, stop laughing!) Anyway, this mall contains RUSSO'S. "What's a RUSSO'S", you ask? Well, RUSSO'S is to the music world what Nebraska Furniture Mart is to the planet of furniture shoppers. You don't come to Omaha without going to one or the other. Russo's is famous for this hole in the wall (looks like from the outside) that houses about 2 acres of guitars and instruments inside. We have had all kinds of legends pass through and go to Russo's for some special gear. If I coulda been late getting back, I maybe would've hung around to see who it was....If I'd seen a GARZA head pop out of the doorway, I DEFINITELY would have NOT gone back to work!!! :D Hey, a girl can dream! I even checked the events listings for Omaha this weekend...NO Texas bands??? :cool: :eek: :rolleyes:

[Belle]

Ruth - I just got the funniest picture of you running into that bus - your eyes bugging out, your ears twitching in excitement. *tiptoe tiptoe to the bus windows*

"Hey, any Garzas in there wanna come out 'n play?" :D :D

Gosh, if it HAD been them...

[j9]

So, a newlywed wife was talking to her mother in law and says, " Today I'll be wearing my love dress when Mike comes home." and she responds, " What on earth is a love dress?'" The daughter in law tells her that she gets all undressed and lies on the couch and her husband comes in and makes love to her like its their honeymoon! So, the mother in law goes home and decides to try this out on her husband. She undresses and lies on the couch in her most provocative pose. Her husband walks in from work and says, " What on earth are you doing?" and she replies, " I'm wearing my love dress for you!" and he says, "Needs ironed. Whats for dinner?" :D

[cre8ivepoet]

If I coulda been late getting back, I maybe would've hung around to see who it was.... :cool: :eek: :rolleyes:

I would've been late....curiosity would have eaten me up like a Pac-Man video game.

[Belle]

A story I heard...

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of Tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.

Then she says, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet?'

[j9]

Dads are clueless! :D Once when I was about three, my Dad went out of town. Me and my Mom were going somewhere and she took our little VW Bug and ran over the light pole in the front yard! So, with much worry and strife, she quickly had someone replace the light pole and the damage to our car. I guess she was planning on telling my Dad, someday. but not then! So, Daddy comes home and we all get in the VW bug to go somewhere, and as we're backing out, little me hollers, "Mom, are you going to run over that pole again?" :D

[cre8ivepoet]

Janine that is too funny...! One of my favorite 'me' stories:

My childhood summers were spent with a 2 week family vacation with my mom, dad, sister. Our vacations always ran over my birthday and my mom/dad's wedding anniversary. One particular vacation my mom and dad decided to share a drink for their anniv (they could see our hotel room from the little lounge it was right next to it). So my little sister and i were going to sleep when they went to the lounge. When my mom and dad locked the door, they said to me, "Don't let anyone in...even if they say it's your mom & dad!"

About an hour later, the hotel clerk let my mom and dad in the room. They left the room key with me and sis! What can I say? I was a good kid! I was doin' what they said! :D

[mamacitaRuth]

THIS is TOO CUTE.........(for all of us ol' Beatles' fans!!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgrrQwLdME8

[cre8ivepoet]

Mamacita that was precious!

[Belle]

Hysterical Letter!


This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.


Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong',

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh^t. And that's a promise I will keep.


Always. . .

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

[cre8ivepoet]

rotflmbo!!

Hey what has 18 legs, spits, and catches flies?

A baseball team!!

[Amor]

:rolleyes:

[cre8ivepoet]

:rolleyes:

smarty pants. GO RAYS!!